"Friends" of Applebough, you say?!

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You may remember my ongoing feud with Applebough. I know I had determined before that it was simple jealousy on my part, and I've really been trying to get beyond that. But it's escalated now.

I got this comment from Malon today, which the latter part reads:

"Anyway, stop picking on Applebough. He/she/it is a bloody hero, and my favourite person to chat to in Dalaran.

-Sent on behalf of Friends of Applebough."

Friends of Applebough? Jeebus, save me - there's a society?! Which believes Applebough is a HERO? No. No way. Ok, yeah, yeah, I heard about his service in the war against those demons, about how he spent his days at Honor Hold, healing his comrades. How he got a medal for it (he tries to show it to people like, every day. Freakin' showoff), for bravery and all that jazz. Well listen. *I* never saw him at Honor Hold. And I was THERE, man! I healed people too! Did HE ever go into Ramps? Blood Furnace? No! Medal, schmedal!

You know what also really gets to me? ORPHANS. No, hear me out. It used to be that during children's week, I could impress them by shifting in and out of forms. They'd gather around me, laughing and cheering. Makes a druid feel good, you know? BUT NOW, they're all crowded around Applebough. "Look at his medal, Randis! Oh, he's so brave!" and "Grunth, do you think our matrons will buy us some grapes or apples? They look so delicious!"

When I'm like "HAY GUYS BARE FORM!" they just roll their eyes. "We saw all of that LAST year, Averna." Even my own orphan, after I told her how rotten Applebough was, had sparkles in her eyes as we walked by him.

Sigh.

And get this, ok? I actually made an attempt to become friends with Applebough. No - honestly - I TRIED. It was while I was doing the cooking daily, I believe - collecting mustard seeds. I walked by Applebough, ready to mock his foolishness, right? when something in my heart melted. Perhaps - just this once - I should make an effort to mend broken ties, rebuild burnt bridges.

So I cautiously walked to Applebough, with the intent of cheerfully buying some watermelon from his stand.

"Hello, Applebough! Nice weather here! If you have any of that fresh, delicious watermelon, I'd sure love some!" Completely amiable. Totally polite.

He stared at me. Then, he deliberately yet casually looked to the left. Then to the right. As if there were *more important* things over there. As if he wouldn't dare waste his time with ME. Little old me, with the brown leaves and scrawny arms and old worn bark. I waited for an exchange of pleasantries, and they NEVER HAPPENED.

Disgusted, I stormed away.


So. Until he 1. says a word to me, 2. loses his green leaves, 3. isn't annoying as all hell, or 4. stops flashing his medal to orphans - I'm not impressed.

PS: Malon, please send me information about the Friends of Applebough society. Where and when do you meet? I would like to read up on them for.... personal reasons. *cough*

EDIT: Applebough responds!!!

EDIT AGAIN: Two of my guildies have reported being harrassed by this so called "benevolent" Applebough. I *really* wish I had taken screenshots (I'm kicking myself here) , but here's the paraphrase:

[Guild] [Norda]: i walked by Applbough today and he flipped me the bird

and then, later:

[Guild] [Taletha]: Applebough hit me today.

HA! I knew it!! NOT SO BENEVOLENT AFTERALL!

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Applebough! Your days are numbered!

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Applebough and I have a bone to pick.

First of all, just look at him.




He sits around Dalaran selling the same old fruit every day. He's got his cute little shop with the cute little wheels, his cute little blood elves and draenei coming around buying his fresh apple juice, telaari grapes, his tundra berries. Like he's SOMEONE.

Well Applebough, let me tell you this.

Just because your leaves are greener than mine, and you're slightly larger in stature than me, and you get pretty girls to buy stuff from you, doesn't mean you're better than me!!! RAWR

/breathe

But if we look further into the true nitty gritty of the situation and do some deep soul searching, or psychoanalysis (either or), we can see that really it comes down to one issue.

I mean, look at me.



I'm dull. I look downright *scrawny*. My leaves....they're always brown.

/sigh


I just wanna be like Applebough....


Here's what I propose to you (you, aka, Blizzard).

Make our leaves change with the seasons.

How *cool* would that be!

Check it out:

Summer druid, activate!


Spring druid, activate!


Fall druid, activate!


Winter druid, activate!



And yeah, I know that 1. Winter druid looks like she's got 4 huge dreadlocks coming out of her head, and 2. Spring druid looks like she's got green maggots crawling on her head, and 3. Summer druid looks like she's got a green spraypainted afro on her head. Just go with it. I'm sure Blizz can fix them up a wee bit, make 'em look more professional. You know. Maybe use something other than Paint. (And yes, Maer, I know that you told me about that other program, but when I found out about it I was already like 90% done with my painstaking Paint job. Next time, I'll go with your suggestions =D)

So until Blizzard hears my plea, all I can do is stare at Applebough with envy, and pray that one day, he starts selling his green leaves. And glue. Or tape.

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