Friday, May 15, 2009

"Friends" of Applebough, you say?!

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You may remember my ongoing feud with Applebough. I know I had determined before that it was simple jealousy on my part, and I've really been trying to get beyond that. But it's escalated now.

I got this comment from Malon today, which the latter part reads:

"Anyway, stop picking on Applebough. He/she/it is a bloody hero, and my favourite person to chat to in Dalaran.

-Sent on behalf of Friends of Applebough."

Friends of Applebough? Jeebus, save me - there's a society?! Which believes Applebough is a HERO? No. No way. Ok, yeah, yeah, I heard about his service in the war against those demons, about how he spent his days at Honor Hold, healing his comrades. How he got a medal for it (he tries to show it to people like, every day. Freakin' showoff), for bravery and all that jazz. Well listen. *I* never saw him at Honor Hold. And I was THERE, man! I healed people too! Did HE ever go into Ramps? Blood Furnace? No! Medal, schmedal!

You know what also really gets to me? ORPHANS. No, hear me out. It used to be that during children's week, I could impress them by shifting in and out of forms. They'd gather around me, laughing and cheering. Makes a druid feel good, you know? BUT NOW, they're all crowded around Applebough. "Look at his medal, Randis! Oh, he's so brave!" and "Grunth, do you think our matrons will buy us some grapes or apples? They look so delicious!"

When I'm like "HAY GUYS BARE FORM!" they just roll their eyes. "We saw all of that LAST year, Averna." Even my own orphan, after I told her how rotten Applebough was, had sparkles in her eyes as we walked by him.

Sigh.

And get this, ok? I actually made an attempt to become friends with Applebough. No - honestly - I TRIED. It was while I was doing the cooking daily, I believe - collecting mustard seeds. I walked by Applebough, ready to mock his foolishness, right? when something in my heart melted. Perhaps - just this once - I should make an effort to mend broken ties, rebuild burnt bridges.

So I cautiously walked to Applebough, with the intent of cheerfully buying some watermelon from his stand.

"Hello, Applebough! Nice weather here! If you have any of that fresh, delicious watermelon, I'd sure love some!" Completely amiable. Totally polite.

He stared at me. Then, he deliberately yet casually looked to the left. Then to the right. As if there were *more important* things over there. As if he wouldn't dare waste his time with ME. Little old me, with the brown leaves and scrawny arms and old worn bark. I waited for an exchange of pleasantries, and they NEVER HAPPENED.

Disgusted, I stormed away.


So. Until he 1. says a word to me, 2. loses his green leaves, 3. isn't annoying as all hell, or 4. stops flashing his medal to orphans - I'm not impressed.

PS: Malon, please send me information about the Friends of Applebough society. Where and when do you meet? I would like to read up on them for.... personal reasons. *cough*

EDIT: Applebough responds!!!

EDIT AGAIN: Two of my guildies have reported being harrassed by this so called "benevolent" Applebough. I *really* wish I had taken screenshots (I'm kicking myself here) , but here's the paraphrase:

[Guild] [Norda]: i walked by Applbough today and he flipped me the bird

and then, later:

[Guild] [Taletha]: Applebough hit me today.


HA! I knew it!! NOT SO BENEVOLENT AFTERALL!

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10 remarks:

Faulsey said...

Ooh, that Applebough.

He always struck me as quite a shady character, with his perfect little leaves and shiny fruit!

(SeewhutIdidtharr? Shady? Tree? -crickets-:P)

Bell said...

Maybe Applebough just isn't ready to forgive your old grudge against him. :[

When I stop by for some Kungaloosh, Apple's always been cordial.

Averna said...

Sigh, perhaps you're right.

I suppose I should attempt to be civil towards him at least one more time.

It is good to know that he's nice to SOME. >.>

Fuyuko said...

You didn't hear this from me, but I heard the Shady Dealer in STV has started carrying termites. Not that you'd need them for anything.... ^_-

Applebough said...

Really, Averna. I don't understand what your problem is with me. I've been nothing but nice to you every time you slither by. And yet you glare and scoff at me, and spread vicious lies on the internet about me. Well, just keep dancing in bear form. No one will notice. Because I am fabulous and you are not.


This is war.


PS: My leaves are greener.

Averna said...

HOT DAMN! He speaks!

....and if by "nice", you mean MOCKINGLY CRUEL.

As Kirsten Dunst once said in the totally awesome movie Bring It On: "Bring it on!"

BOOYAH.

(PS: I just quoted the movie Bring It On. I think I just won.)

(I think.)

(I don't know, now I'm thinking I might have actually lost. Hm.)

(PPS: Get some blog posts up. I wanna know what it's like to be you. How is it mocking your brethren daily with your green leaves? How do you feel, knowing that you're a cruel, cruel tree? I'm curious.)

Corgii said...

I cannot forgive him.

He called me a 'filthy cow person'. ME? FILTHY?! I'll have you know us Tauren are very clean!!!

>:l *fume*

Applebough said...

How am I to defend myself within a channel to which I have no access???

I am truly distressed... and I hope you're enjoying yourself, Miss Averna. Trees today just have no respect for hard-work and politeness.

Notabear said...

I am NOT a filthy cow. That smell is called MUSK.

Littlebark said...

Ugh, that Applebough. His shiny green leaves and his ignoring me! Plus! I'm a 'dirty cow' or whatever he called us Tauren! Booo!